What is it about the need to share, the need to be understood, this insistent desire to be known, & to be fully loved? Where does it stem from exactly? How do you move on from feeling that the love you shared was poured out and wasted upon another soul? But deep down, you know somehow that love can never be wasted. For even if that recipient can’t accept or even acknowledge the love there, universal laws of reaping and sowing are in motion. Love never fails. Love is beyond us, beside us, inside us, all around us. Yet, why is it so hard to see past all the pain, fear and hate? I see so much anger, so much hurt in the world, and so much selfishness. Just one glance my way is all it takes, but I see you, troubled soul, with so much pain inside. It hurts my heart to feel just a glimpse into your pain; yet, you don’t seem to see anyone but yourself.
For example, I was driving home the other day and a middle-aged man was crossing the road in front of me. Be mindful that I was turning from a busy road and didn’t have much time to slow down before I saw him. He seemed fully aware that he was crossing in the middle of a busy intersection. In fact, there were other people on the other side of the road already. Instead of walking faster though, he slowed down and glared at me through the glass as if daring me to hit him. All I could think driving away was, WHY???? Why would he act that way? There was such hate in that glare at me. His actions hurt my heart. I weep for this world.
I don’t have to stay updated in the news to know that the world is screwed up; I experience that in everyday encounters. Yeah sure, I may have this Utopian society mentality. But come on, what happened to the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” Even if people are cruel and mean to you, you can change how you treat others. Treat others with kindness, and it will come back to you. I don’t know how, or when or where but I have to believe that it will. We are all connected in this complex, crazy universe, beyond the dimensions of time and space….WE ARE ALL ONE.
Even though we feel so alone, we each are apart of something greater. Ironic how hard it is to find that connection, isn’t it? I tell you, I fall on my face time and time again trying to find it. Even after I lick my wounds (so to speak), I still miraculously get back up and try again. Somehow I keep hoping, believing that things will change, knocking on that door again, and maybe this time it will open. There is this constant longing that won’t escape me. It is a yearning to be free, to find peace, to find that connection that will make all the suffering and trials worthwhile. Isn’t that why our souls dream? Don’t we all dream to be understood, to remember why we came here, and to experience life, love, & beauty?
I heard once that we need sleep because our souls are so tired of our meaningless day to day existence. Our soul knows we are made for more than what we settle for. When we sleep, our souls are finally free to dream. Deep down inside each of us, there is a call for something more. I’m not talking about religion here. I’ve been there, and it has taught me much. But, I’m talking about something more–where religion has failed us. Where religion began to take us, but failed to allow us to move beyond it’s four walls and dogma. When all we want is to fly, to be free of all these rules and constraints that weigh down our creative and free spirits. It’s funny how hard we try to confine, label, & explain things. The harder we try to control everything, the more we lose control. Can you hold water/sand in your hands? The moment you try to hold on tightly to the water/sand, you lose it. The only way to hold it is to keep your palm open and still. The moment I let go of trying to control everything, things fall into their right place. I forget this often, but the times I feel the freest are when I surrender everything. Singing helps me do this more than anything else I’ve found. There is a fire deep inside my soul and it burns deeply, longing for a voice, an expression, & longing to be made whole.
***I hope these words speak to you. I would love to talk more if you connected with anything I said***